I heard these words in a yoga class and after they were spoken, I’m sure I heard nothing else for the remainder of the practice. This statement landed with me, as have others, in a moment in time, unbeknownst to me, when I was ready to change. The reaction I experienced weighed equally in shock and clarity. It was as if a spotlight was being shined brightly onto a blind spot within my self. It was the kind of blindness that causes fatal accidents and in this case, dealt a lethal blow to my ego. In an instant I realized, that no amount of kale would override the garbage I was feeding myself and spreading into the world through my thoughts and actions. I saw so clearly negative thought patterns of insecurity and feelings of unworthiness that had plagued me for many years. Patterns that I had accepted as a part of my life without question and ones that led to serial judgement of others and myself. I was ultimately seeing what was unacceptable about myself in the lives of others. Classic projection and denial.
My tolerance for truth was low and thoughts about myself and others were toxic. Thoughts, just like actions, are things, they are energy that emit a frequency into the world. If you think a negative thought about yourself or someone else, that thought is just as important as the outward action used to express it. So no, you cannot judge someone in your mind and think it doesn’t count. Biting your lip and gritting your teeth to prevent a nasty comment from coming out is a waste of time and beating yourself up with negative self talk is poisoning your world. Medical research has shown that 75%-95% of illness that plagues us today is a direct result of our thought life. With average thought per day estimates as high as 90,000 per person one can only conclude that thoughts are the driving force in our quality of life.
I see so clearly now that I was living via my ego. The simplest way to define the ego is to say it is a separation device. It drives us away from each other. It’s about winning while another loses, being more or less than another and being right so another can be wrong. This is the world I lived in and I accepted these negative thoughts about myself and others as a part of daily life. I considered myself, at that time, to be a wellness advocate. Someone who took very good care of herself scheduling in plenty of me time, eating healthy and living an active life as a triathlete and yogi. What I didn’t realize or think about was how those negative thoughts were effecting my life and how I perceived the world. As I looked in the mirrors that day in the yoga studio I saw for the first time the impact of these thoughts, I saw an unhealthy girl who saw the world from the eyes of her ego and not her true heart. This glimpse of truth stuck with me and I wanted to change.
I learned in massage school that humans have the ability to create new neuro-pathways via the Law of Facilitation that will change the body and mind. I knew change was possible on all levels but it wasn’t until I was ready did I start to apply this to my own life. I started with practicing presence more often via the breath. This allowed me to slow down and experience the present moment. Truth is held in presence so the more I was able to experience the truth of the moment, the more I was able to start watching my thoughts and actions. This alone was profoundly healing because I was getting in between the stimulus and my response. It was my first introduction to the power of the pause. Purposefully seeing myself in the moment of a negative thought or action only served as further motivation to change.
I started to inquire about the feelings I was having, judgements I wanted to make and urges to control something or someone. I would ask myself, “what do I want to get out of this situation or is this thought for my higher good or simply, is this loving?” These questions left me with options and these options led to new choices which have led to new behaviors. I find now that the world is no longer intolerable, scary or wrong. I am no longer intolerable, scary or wrong. There has been a devastation of assholes in my world and I see more love than ever before. I am now feeding myself with everything that I want to see in the world and that is reflected back at me everyday.
When the 2012 winter solstice occurred we moved into a phase of awakening on our planet. This has been confirmed time and time again as I see my clients and students making great change in their lives. Change begins in the exact moment we are ready to receive it. For me, it was that yoga class, it was those five words and from there it took on a life of its own. Understand that what we allow to live inside us through our thought world is just as, if not more important, than what we put in our bodies. If the world that you see is not loving then start to watch your thoughts and actions more closely. Take a good look at what you are putting out into the world. From there you will start to notice options, other choices that you can make and the freedom to manifest the world through your eyes. Fill your mind with colorful, bright, positive thoughts and send those frequencies into the world. Eat healthy, live healthy and be fed by your actions.