I floated in the ocean yesterday on my back, arms and legs spread out, eyes closed. Completely vulnerable to the current of the water, I completed five breaths patiently and noticed I was at peace. I went for five more and got to eight before floating into my husband but there was no doubt I could have completed the ten and even more. This was a big shift from the first time I did this earlier in the summer when my mind was immediately overrun by fearful thoughts of being eaten by a shark. Despite my best efforts to quiet my mind that day it was reeling off thoughts to strengthen the fear I was experiencing. Thoughts like ‘sharks can attack in as little as 2 feet of water’ and ‘even though there’s never been an attack here I could be the first’. My mind was so unsettled that I waived the white flag and abandoned my float knowing I would continue this exercise in the future. I have no tolerance for this type of energy so when it comes up I want to heal it and from that day on, every time I went to the beach this summer I would float on my back. As fear arose, I would watch it and relax my body deeper as I listened to my breath. At times it was quite uncomfortable but each time I did it I found myself stringing more patient breaths together until there was no more fear to be found.
For anyone who knows me, this story probably sounds crazy and I agree. I love the ocean and I love swimming not to mention the countless triathlon swims I’ve completed but despite all this, swimming around in the ocean can bring up fearful thoughts for me. I don’t want it to be this way anymore, I want to join the open water swimming group and head out to the buoys off shore. I want to swim to my potential but even more so I want to live to my potential without fear, not just of sharks but of myself. Fear of not being worthy, smart enough, good enough, all terrible feelings that I am familiar with and all of them completely irrational. But I’ve seen now that I can diffuse fear and I just want more of that. I know I can choose to not feed it and from there I can live free and full.
In the midst of all this is Yogi Triathlete, a site that has been with me for several years and previously known as The Yogi Triathlete. I could never get over “The” in the name so I dropped it and launched the latest version earlier this year. I felt it gave the impression that Yogi Triathlete is one person and I’ve never seen it that way. I see it as all of us and as a way of living. I see it as balancing the multiplicity of modern life through a yoga practice that transcends the mat, daily physical activity and plates colored with the vibrancy of living foods. It’s about taking risks to follow your dreams and being fearless to believe in yourself completely. I’m fully embracing the life of Yogi Triathlete and finding that I want to continue to go all in. But in order to continue to share with radical honesty I have to be fearless and anytime I get a chance to heal fear I’m going for it because I know it’s possible.
Thank you to all who tune in to this blog and other YT portals, Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. I don’t know where we’re going but I’m sure glad you’re along for the ride. Oh and by the way I read an article last night and it said I have a one-in-700-million chance of being eaten by a shark. So take that ego!