The Uninspiring Ego

I counted down the minutes and incessantly clicked the registration button.  My heart was pumping and I was feeling dizzy.  I was 35 years old and about to do something I swore I would never do. A few moments later, I was 364 days away from bellying up to the start line at Ironman Coeur d’Alene 2008. An adventure that started with chilly water temperatures, followed by eating WAY too much on the bike and then a bold experience in projectile vomiting, in public. This race tore me down to the core but through that I was forced to tap into something beyond my body and mind. This was a key experience in my transformation, I remember feeling without doubt, that anything was possible.  I ended my report from that race with this: “The last quarter mile is worth it all. I experienced joy, pure enlightened joy.” This was the feeling of fulfilling a dream, the realization of a goal set forth from inspiration the prior year.

In 2014, I took a leap of faith. I cut my massage business down significantly so that I could dedicate more time writing. I chose again to follow an inspiration and forgo the logical route to stay safe. I saw a future for YogiTriathlete, I cut expenses and with no outcome in sight, I moved forward. The YT community started to grow quickly and now I’m focused on staying with its momentum. I’ve also co-written a feature length screenplay which is now being reworked into episodic format for television. With an agreement from the start to practice detachment, these projects have shown me humility and inspiration at its best.

When my friend told me last fall that she was going to Guatemala for the winter, I felt the inspiration to go.  Since I was young I always wanted to travel out of the country by myself and this was my chance.  I had no means to buy a ticket and wasn’t exactly sure where Guatemala was even located. I got out my globe and set an intention to travel there in March. I marked the dates in my calendar and started telling people that I was going.  I built energy around the idea immediately and felt it take life.  I checked out the lake where she would be staying and got a general sense of travel logistics.  The energy continued to grow.  I downloaded an ap on my phone and have been learning to speak spanish. I’ve had doubts and fears about this trip often, but I’ve chosen not to give them life. When clicked complete purchase for my airline ticket a rush of fear flowed through my body. A sign that has now become a promise for greatness of experience yet to come.

Throughout your life you will receive sudden ideas, great inspirations and visions of your potential. These are not by happenstance. These are meant for you and they deserve a closer look.  Deep within each one of us we know our dreams our possible.  The most important thing is to write them down. Immediately give proof of their existence and preferably before your ego finds out, dissuades you and your great inspiration is forgotten. What has helped me more than anything is learning the power of the pause. From this I can now recognize the ego as it acts up. I am more familiar with how it works and the emotions that come along with it, namely fear and doubt. I’ve gained clarity on its form and can finally see it for what it is, a thought generator out to make my inspirations and dreams seem too scary, and too out of reach to realize.  The ego will not stand by while the higher mind climbs into the driver’s seat. It is on a forever crusade to cock block your inspired life and will wage a full-on war in attempt to take you off course. It is up to you to stay focused and remain steadfast to the idea that anything is possible.

As for what I will do on my upcoming journey to Guatemala, I’m visualizing a week of cacao ceremonies with the chocolate shaman, eating gorgeous fruit, swimming in mystical Lake Atitlan and diving into my newest leap of faith, writing my first book.

Namaste.