I leaned my weight against the door, I turned off my music and listened to my breath start to return normal. I was done. I didn’t have to train anymore today. I was getting flashbacks to the Cape Cod marathon when I kept promising myself for 17 miles that I could stop at the finish. I found myself making similar deals today. Today was the 1st day that I really felt the mental fatigue that Ironman training lends to. There was no negativity just fatigue and I was never able to shake it. It stayed with me like the remnants of a meal with too much garlic, it was a heavy coating that kept tugging me back and made everything feel like a little more effort.
Throughout my training today, I kept hearing my dad in my head with his famous quote that I used to hear all the time growing up. He would pull this out every time I wanted something that he otherwise felt I needed to figure out on my own and work hard to get. He would say, ‘no one said it would be easy living in America.’ I never quite understood what the hell he was talking and how it pretained to the Grateful Dead concert ticket I couldn’t afford or the strawberry wrap around skirt that I wanted so bad from the boutique downtown. But it was his answer to all of my requests for wants and now I see that it was his way of making me figure things out on my own, weigh my wants vs. needs and work hard to attain whatever my heart desired.
So it is days like today that I would never change the many hours of frustration and drama that incredible man, my dad, caused me (or that I chose to feel) because today is the kind of day that shows me how powerful I am, how I can overcome anything and finish strong. Today is the kind of day that counts ten fold on the training log.
Now excuse me while I take a steaming hot shower and make a delicious recovery meal….I was craving brussel sprouts on my run. Weird? Yeah I think so.