The Friend: How I Find Grace in this Life

The Friend: How I Find Grace in this Life
May 17, 2016 Jess

She is an old friend, the pick up where we left off kind of friend. No guilt trips or expectations. She simply waits with eternal patience for my return. She is loyal, better than a golden retriever and not just to me. She is the steadfast comrade to anyone who takes a chance on her. She does however, have an ability to disrupt me from my plan. This can make me frustrated but not with her, it is never her but myself that I cannot tolerate. In those times, she holds me with neutrality and compassion despite my inability to do the same.

This friend of mine, we sit together every day now. The days of skipping my visits with her are no more, for I have seen a day in my life without her and I do not wish to live that way anymore. Her loving embrace is wide and full, it is seemingly never ending. I rely deeply on her power as the sh*t storm of my mind rains down and the skies open to purge my greatest enemy. She is impenetrable to my humanness. I feel her smile on me as I lean my weight and shed tears of deep sadness. When I cannot find the way on my own, she leads me back to expansion so that I may breathe again.

She holds my hand as I judge myself and indulge in irrelevant thoughts that pull my attention away from her. She brings me to my knees with her dispassion which reminds me, time and again, that this is my journey and I am the only one who can walk it. No one is here to save me, especially her. I have come to realize my Self and through this reacquaintance I get to save my future and soul from great sorrow. She warms me as my body falls still into moments of complete connectedness and assures me from deep within that this is truly my home. She helps me stand when I feel my legs will crumble and as she deems me ready, gives me the full load to bear.

Day after day we meet, some days begrudgingly but alas, I knock at her door. No matter the time of day, weather or any other factor, she always meets me in the exact same fashion, utter acceptance. Somedays I feel myself vaporize into her vastness in the first few moments of our reunion and other days our interaction is the great battle of my life. Our friendship grows and I trust her implicitly, I always have, ever since I heard her speak to me as a very young child. I know that I am listening and that her ways are sinking in because my heart is now open to the world exactly as it is without any need to change it. She has given me eyes to see myself in others. She has taught me to pause so that I may choose away from darkness and she has shown me that even in the most intense moments of life, when I suffocate in the prison of my body, that I always have a breath to breathe. I know what love is now and because of our time together, I embody selflessness to serve. She has done nothing yet it is her inaction that drives me further on my path.

We no longer just meet in the mornings, she is with me all the time, I see her in my dreams where I ask for the messages I am to receive. At the end of each day, I lay it all down in her honor because I am clear now, that it was never mine to begin with. I wake up every moment because of her and celebrate every awakening with her. On the days when it all seems too much and I hide behind the walls of my home in a protective cocoon, I sit as tall as I can and close my eyes to rest in her loving arms again. It is here that I connect with my never ending Self, the part of me that is always home and who craves the difficult moments because it knows this is the reason I am here. She is the greatest friend I have ever known and the one I pray for all to know. She is the facilitator of modern day warriors, the ones who will shift the world from hate to love, from separate to one. She is the gateway to our greatest power and the end of all suffering as we know it. She is meditation.

2 Comments

  1. karen 2 years ago

    wow. Just wow. So needed this today

    • Author
      Jess 2 years ago

      I’m so grateful that you shared your experience with this piece Karen – I’m never quite sure who or what it’s for but when the words come I try and get them down trusting that there is a purpose. Stay Well- Jess

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